How To Have No Regret

Jan 27

How To Have No Regret

Regret.

Do you have it?

If so – you’re not alone.

It’s ridiculously common and people all across the world feel it daily.

But there is a way to combat regret.

With one specific mindset you can banish regret from your life and reframe your thinking.

It sounds like a fairy tale or a magic bullet, but I’m talking from personal experience on this one. This is the real deal.

I filmed a video to explain what I’m talking about. It’s a little rough around the edges but this a new skill I’m learning so it will improve.  Check it out…

Summary

Regret is when you play the mental loop in your head of “I wish I wouldn’t have done X like that.” or “I wish I would have done X like that.”

The Mindset: Everything you’ve done in your entire life has led up to this moment right now. The good, the bad and the indifferent was all necessary for you to become the person you are. Also it was all necessary for you to become the person you want to be.

Practical Steps

1. Look back on your 2013.

2. Identify anything at all that you feel some regret for.

3. Ask yourself three questions

  • What can I learn from that?
  • How did I improve as a person because of doing that?
  • What can I do better? Or what have I already done better because of that?

4. Let those answers sink in.

Life’s too short to ruminate on the past. All the stuff in your past has led up to right now. Act on this idea and start implementing on it a regular basis and I promise your regrets will go away.

Photo Credit: Live Life Happy

Forge Your Own Path
Get a FREE copy of Becoming Badass: The Guide To Slow Growth & Wild Success
We hate spam just as much as you

25 comments

  1. Hey Kevin,

    Great initiative, and props for doing this.

    On the vid:
    – Good content. I do the same thing!

    – I think you’re not really coming across as how you normally do. Likely due to being bit stifled. Though I notice you get into the flow about 2 minutes into it.

    One tip: Try standing up next time. You will project better and it’ll feel more normal.

    You’ll kill this in a year from now on!

  2. Also.

    This inspires me to look through — and possibly upload — some of my recent vlogs. I have been meaning to do it, but I have “procrastinated” doing it but prioritizing other things.

    I will do it before the weeek is over.

    Thanks for that bro.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Ludvig,

      I’ve seen some of your videos man. They’re really solid and definitely deserve a place on your blog. Looking forward to seeing that!

      Standing up in the video is a really good idea. I’ll definitely do that next time. Thanks bro!

  3. ‘Maybe you just had to suck for a while’ – hah! Love it!
    It definitely takes confident brain power to recognise the reason why certain things sucked. It’s the difference between experience and knowledge, right? Being able to connect the dots?

    Love the idea of video, Kevin. You transfer well on screen !

    And finally – your wardrobe choices are .. interesting … some t-shirts and what looks like a skirt? How very David Beckham of you, Sir ;-)

    • Kevin Cole /

      Your point about connecting the dots is very good. Like Steve Jobs said, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.

      Regarding the wardrobe – I legitimately debated saying something about it in the beginning of the video, but I was like “No one’s going to notice that.” WRONG haha.
      For the record, the skirts and stuff are not mine. I have a really big closet so my mom put some of her clothes in it. I swear :)

  4. haha yup that comment Razwana picked up on – you have to suck for awhile so you could not suck now. lol you did a heck of a job on this video. it definitely did not suck :) Hand gestures and voice inflections help make you more effective – you did that more and more as the video went on.

    I love the message here too – forget about regrets and focus on what you can learn instead. Looking back and learning lessons from when things didn’t work isn’t regret but growth, character and wisdom. So we go from regret to necessary learning and growth! I love the reframe and try to live my life this way. Thanks for articulating this so well man.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Thanks buddy :)

      The videos are definitely going to improve and I’m sure I’ll get in the flow quicker with time.

      Glad you like the reframe!

  5. I always tell myself this:

    Without the regrets I had in the past, I wouldn’t be shooting for the future I design today.

    Those past lessons are essential to find out true and happiest self.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Agreed Mark. Everything in the past is necessary for our future to be awesome.

  6. Hi Kevin,
    great start to your video career, lets see the next one!

    Regret is a funny thing because it has a habit of creating the impression looking in the past is a bad thing.

    Regret is a conclusion based on a comparative of what happened and what you think ‘should’ have happened. People who let go of outcome rarely have a regret because they dont have the ingredients in order to set up a comparative.

    Looking in the past does have its benefits though but it is more the mindset of how you do it and the 3 questions you have posed Kevin provide a solid perspective of how to do that!

    Take care
    Aaron
    The Confidence lounge

    • Kevin Cole /

      I really like your perspective here Aaron. Letting go of outcome has advantages and disadvantages for sure. On one hand you are free from regret and allow yourself to be malleable. But on the other hand it can create overwhelm or apathy because of a lack of direction.

      Ultimately it all comes down to balancing out the past, present and future in a way that makes a person the most content. Awesome input here man.

  7. Great idea to post a video. I’ve wanted to do this since day one but I don’t feel like I have the public speaking (kinda what it is) skills to carry it off without sounding like a rambling weirdo!

    By the way, is that the same shirt as in your avatar? :p

    I love regrets, because they feed me the nutrition I need to improve myself in the present so that in the future I don’t make the same mistake twice…

    In theory..

    • Hi Jamie,

      Just a bit of advice about video making. one piece of advice I got from people that make money from you tube videos is; it is all in the editing.

      Make your script.

      Break it up into segments

      Record a segment, then read the next segment whilst the video still rolling.
      Record next segment.

      Once complete edit out the bits where you are reading. The video will flow without rambling.

      n.b. one extra bit of advice; when stopping each time leave a second or two before looking down to read the next segment and the same for when you start looking at the camera again. It will give you an editing block that doesn’t involve your head motioning away from the camera to read your script!
      Hope that makes sense!
      Take care
      Aaron Morton
      The Confidence Lounge.

    • Kevin Cole /

      LOL first Razwana critiques my wardrobe now you? :p

      To answer your question: It is indeed the same shirt as my avatar. It’s a great shirt haha.

      I’d love to see you do some video man. Even if there is some rambling I bet it would be cool. Aaron’s got some great tips as well!

      • I can’t really talk – I’m wearing a t shirt that I bought in 2005. It has more holes than a CSI storyline, but hey, it’s comfy!

        Thanks Aaron for that tip too.

        • I agree 100% on the script. You will notice in A LOT of my videos, the script is laying around in the background.

          I could not talk for 3 minutes straight without a break… That’s crazy.

          I do it sentence by sentence.

  8. Congrats on the video man!

    I agree about identifying those mistakes and doing your best to learn from them but I don’t know about having regrets. Why regret anything?

    I will some times even do A LOT of risky, stupid, awkward stuff just to make mistakes. Imagine making every single mistake you can by the time you’re 25 and learning from all of them.

    You will have the wisdom of someone who is 65.

    • Kevin Cole /

      I love your attitude on this. Doing things with the intention of messing up is beautiful. When you’re coming from that mindset, regret isn’t even on the table.

      Good shit man.

  9. Hello Kevin,

    Loved this statement you said: “Sometimes you might have to suck a while so you will not suck in the future (2014).”

    Regrets will only hold a person back. It’s important to acknowledge them but not allow our self’s to be fixated on them. Great video post bro!

    • Kevin Cole /

      Thanks buddy. Looks like that line really resonated with people. Awesome to see.

  10. HI Kevin! Your video blog is cool. That’s an open way of showing how you are trying new stuff to improve yourself. I like that.

    As for regrets – I used to ‘brood over’ things that just happened seconds ago. I should have said that, I should have done this, etc. I realized I have changed much but still carry that once in a while. what I actually do is that I have a notepad in my desktop and if I find myself into regret, resentment or brooding over, I write them down there and indicate what I should do as a learning. sometimes by merely throwing it out on a notepad if it’s mere useless over-analyzing – then it helps tremendously!

    • Kevin Cole /

      I’ve also experienced that feeling where you constantly run through the things that you should have said. It’s completely toxic.

      I love that notepad idea. That’s such a tangible and practical way to stop regret in it’s tracks. Thanks for sharing that man.

  11. I like those questions and those steps. Sometimes getting over regrets just takes a little bit of reframing. Just because you regret something doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something from it. Does that make it bad then? I’d say no. If you learned a valuable lesson from a mistake, than it’s actually a net gain for your life.

    Great job on the video. You came off very clear and confident to me.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Thanks man. You make some great points here.

      No mistake is a bad thing. As I like to say: “I cannot fail, I can only learn and grow.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>