How To Not Give A Fuck About Other People’s Bullshit

Jul 22

How To Not Give A Fuck About Other People’s Bullshit

Giving a fuck vs. not giving a fuck

Who wins the battle?

An argument could be made for both sides.

Giving a fuck has its place in the world and so does not giving a fuck.

They can co-exist. Because giving a fuck too much can drive you crazy and never giving a fuck can be dangerous as hell.

As I’ve said before 99% of things are out of our control. That is the stuff you should not give a fuck about. (Ex. People’s bullshit, snide comments, politics, the news, etc.)

There is only 1% that we are in control of.

That 1% should be cared for and nurtured like a new-born lamb.

That 1% is all yours and you need to utilize it to become the most badass human being you can be.

But unfortunately most of us care a lot about the 99% of things that are out of our control. It’s hard not to. It’s all around us and completely engulfs the 1% that we are in control of.

In a utopian world we could just flip a switch and say “I don’t give a shit!” and all would be well in the world. But it doesn’t work like that.

Luckily there are some practical steps that you can follow to stop giving a fuck about other people’s bullshit.

Here are the best ways to truly not give a fuck about shit that doesn’t matter. I recommend tackling these things one at a time as all of these require some serious focus.

1. Be Conscious of Reactions

You can’t control what people say to you, but you can control your reactions.

This one will take some time. Becoming consciously aware of anything requires a serious effort. Here’s how it’s done.

A) Recognize How People Are Treating You

In our day-to-day lives it’s common to just go through the motions of social interaction. It’s not often that we are consciously aware of any portion of the interaction. So the first step to controlling your reactions is to start recognizing how people are treating you.

Listen to their words, watch their body language, and notice how they say things. Are they treating you like shit or royalty? Do they respect you or loathe you? The more you pay attention, the more you will become consciously aware of your interactions.

B) Think Of Your Reactions Before You Talk To Others

The next step is to think about how you will react the next time someone says something shitty to you. You’ll probably want to smack them across the face but avoiding jail is highly encouraged. :)

So instead think about acting relaxed and unfazed by their snide comment. Think about how that looks. Think about how you feel when you’re unfazed. Think about how unattached you are from their comment.

C) Implement The Reaction

Since you’re already aware of how others are treating you this step will be much easier. When the next person decides to be a douche, pause for a moment and remember how you want to react. Remember the feeling of being unfazed and detach yourself from their comment.

Over time you will get better and better at this. Eventually it will become almost instinctual to never be phased by someone’s bullshit.

2. Everything Is Hilarious

I credit a dating coach I met with this one. Every time you fuck up whether it’s on a date or at the bar, you should see the humor in it.

Whether you stumble over your words or accidentally elbow the girl while dancing, you should never make a big deal out of it and learn to laugh. I thought it was genius and decided to apply it to life.

Learning to laugh at the craziness that surrounds us is kind of challenging. So many things are so completely fucked that it can seem like an impossible endeavor. So start small.

A) Learn To Laugh At Your Own Mishaps

If you say something weird or act awkward then laugh it off. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. So relax and learn to embrace your own mistakes. It all comes back to being consciously aware.

By acknowledging your mishap and brushing it off you’ll start to realize how petty your mistakes are. As time goes on you’ll start to take things way less seriously. When you learn to laugh at yourself, you can learn to laugh at other people’s bullshit.

B) Learn To Laugh At Other People’s Bullshit

If someone says something snide to you, learn to see the humor in it. The words themselves probably aren’t funny – but the situation is probably hilarious.

Think about it – most people aren’t really trying to ruin your self-esteem. They’re just having a bad day or they’re super insecure. They’re the ones at fault here and the whole situation is quite fucked up.

So learn to recognize the messy situation and smile when someone spits bullshit in your face. Because you’re a fucking knight in armor and their bullshit cannot penetrate you.

3. Get Your 1% In Order

This is the #1 thing you can do above all else. Becoming consciously aware of other people’s bullshit in steps 1 and 2 works extremely well. But to truly never give a fuck about the 99%, you must have your 1% completely in check.

A) Find Positive Influences

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”  – Jim Rohn

Not giving a fuck about other people’s bullshit requires you to have a badass Navy Seal Team. By having an elite unit of positive people who consistently strive towards success you will naturally become more successful.

A side effect of having a Navy Seal Team is lack of fucks given for other people’s bullshit. Because when you have loads of friends who are on the same path as you, it’s impossible to be bothered by stupid stuff.

B)  Have A Clear Passion & Purpose

Having passion and purpose in life is a huge deal. So much so, that I devoted an entire chapter to it in my upcoming book Becoming Badass: The Guide To Slow Growth & Wild Success.

Finding meaning in life quiets everything else down. You find that you can deal with anything because you are already so focused and devoted to your purpose. You can’t be bothered by other people – you’re forging your own life. Ultimately, you just don’t have time for petty bullshit.

C) Get Your Ass In Shape

You don’t have to be an ultra-marathon runner nor do you have to be an Olympic body builder. But you do have to stay active. By being active and taking fitness seriously you are taking charge of the body you were given. This is the hand you were dealt no matter how big or small and you’re saying “I’m in control of this shit.”

By doing this you give yourself a certain sense of control over the world you wouldn’t have otherwise, which makes dealing with other people’s bullshit much easier.

Not giving a fuck doesn’t come from an empty place. It comes from a place of complete abundance. Where you have countless options in life from friends, to work, to fitness, to life – you are the shit and no amount of 99% bullshit is going to stand in your way.

That’s how fucks are not given.

 

Photo Cred: Steve Rhodes

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25 comments

  1. Kev, awesome article. You’re definitely nominated for my most tasteful use of “fuck” award.

    On #1: this has been really big for me.

    I think it’s important to recognize in the moment when you’re having a victim based reaction. It usually comes out in words like, “[that thing] or [that d-bag] is pissing me off”. That’s not true at all. Something like, “I am frustrated with [that thing]” shows more ownership. It doesn’t give away the power. And when you have the power, it’s easy to author the reaction.

    On #2: this just makes for an easier life all around. Not to say that I still don’t get all, “There’s nothing funny about this!”. Later on reflecting, I can usually laugh about it. If not the situation itself, I can laugh at my reaction to it and see how out of proportion it was.

    I can’t wait for your e-book!

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Tim,

      I humbly accept your award haha :p

      Your point on #1 is so money. It’s quite easy to play the victim. But changing the story and giving yourself the power can do amazing things.

      I also love what you said on #2 about reflecting on things afterwards. It’s crazy how many times in my life I’ve had situations that seemed awful and ended up being hilarious later on. Perspective is everything.

  2. Great, you hit the mark on this. You hit the points on what to give a fuck about, what not to, you acknowledged that IDGAFers can co-exist with GAFers. Great job with this one. :)

    • Kevin Cole /

      Thanks man. Love the IDGAF mentality. It’s always good shit.

  3. Awesome post man,
    Your point about seeing everything as hilarious is spot on because what it does is maintain your higher value due to not regarding anyone’s comments about you as serious.
    I tend to behave that way in public gatherings where the potential to get shot down is very high. I just smile, say what I have to say (Usually a back handed compliment lol) and walk away.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Onder,

      Glad you liked it man. Taking social interaction less seriously is definitely high value shit.

      Awesome to see your implementing the “everything is hilarious” mentality. In places like bars and clubs it is absolutely vital. No one wants to be the chump who stands around all night with a scowl on their face.

  4. Kevin! Came over from Trevor’s site where you just did it right last week. Love the everything is hilarious bit. I think this is tough for most people to take, but totally necessary. When I can keep my serious thinking to my 1%, I am simply a better person. I am relaxed, easy and pleasant. When I begin taking things seriously outside that 1%, I am pretty much a prick. Great post, again!

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey CJ! Welcome to the blog!

      I’m the same exact way. If I keep my attention on the shit that matters I’m happy and I’m improving as a human being. But if my attention strays away I start bitching about things that don’t matter worth a damn. It all comes back to conscious effort and continuous improvement.

  5. Hi Kevin,

    Wonderful post, indeed!

    Learning the skill of not reacting and staying resourceful is so powerful in this day and age.

    It is a true sign of mastery of our emotions and taking complete responsibility for the way we feel, behave and what we say.

    I loved your tip about finding everything including ourselves hilarious!

    Thank you.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Hiten,

      Mastering our emotions is quite the endeavor, but such an important journey.

      The “everything is hilarious” idea seems to be really resonating with a lot of people.

      Being able to laugh at yourself and the world around you is a big step in becoming a well-rounded person.

      Thanks for the kind words man.

  6. Oh, I’m excited! Can’t wait to see the ebook, especially after yet another out-of-the-park hit of a blog post. You are going places, my friend, and I will be proud to say “I knew him when…” :)

  7. This is something a guy called Julien Smith has talked about in the past and is necessary in a world where we are beginning to be so sensitive to the views of others.

    Only today I read an interview from a hedge funder who was saying the one thing he sees lacking in interviewees coming through is always seeking approval before they proceed with anything rather than taking initiative and being a self-starter.

    For every self starter there is a bit of DGAF

    Thanks
    Aaron
    The Confidence Lounge

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Aaron,

      Self-starters run the world. The Steve Jobs and the Warren Buffets all understood they had to take the initiative. Asking permission for everything is a solid recipe to accomplish nothing extraordinary.

      Having a healthy dose of fucks not given is definitely crucial to take that initiative and do amazing things.

      Solid points man.

  8. There are some great thoughts here. I love the idea of finding thing hilarious. I mean, why not? Life is funny. Some of the worst mistakes I’ve made I can look back on and laugh. I see that as a good thing because it means you’ve moved on from it and you’re not letting it linger inside of you. Those who can’t laugh at themselves often can’t get over things from the past. You have to do that in order to move on to bigger and better things.

    I’ve found the balance between giving a fuck and not giving one is hard. In some instances we should, but often we shouldn’t. Sometimes you have to weigh the two sides and see which approach is best and then change it if necessary.

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hey Steve,

      Being able to look back and laugh at your own mistakes is a major sign of growth. So many people look at their mistakes and are filled with regret. But re-framing those mistakes as humorous makes a huge difference.

      The balance between giving and not giving a fuck is tough. There is a time and a place for both. Like you said, you have to adjust to the situation and see what fits the best.

      But it is important to make sure you’re not giving a fuck about things that are completely out of your control. It’s a solid recipe to become flustered over nothing.

  9. Oh, I like this, Kevin! I’ve started to take myself a lot less seriously, and it’s been really freeing. I laugh at myself often.

    Now, I’m about to be in a situation where I can test myself on my reactions to others, and I’m so happy to have read this today. I have already been thinking through how I will react if and when provoked. Of course, I don’t want to “go looking for it” and hope all will go smoothly, but it’s great to have another tool in my toolbox! Thank you! ;)

    • Kevin Cole /

      Awesome Tammy! Not taking yourself so seriously is life-changing shit.

      Hope everything went well with your interaction and no fucks were given! :)

  10. ‘Not giving a fuck comes from a place of complete abundance.’ Genius!

    I’ve absolutely found this to be true. When you know you’re ok, and that you have everything you need right now, you don’t have the need to compensate or work overtime to make sure people like you. It’s nice if people like you, but you don’t really give a fuck. I mean, I don’t go around trying to hurt others, or even being thoughtless. But there are always going to be some people who don’t like the color of my t-shirt or the point of my nose or something. Those things are out of our control, and having the abundance and confidence to know that other people’s opinions aren’t the most important thing really is freeing.

  11. Kevin Cole /

    I love that analogy of working overtime to make sure people like you. That’s such a great way to put it. So many people really do put in those extra hours making sure people like them and avoiding all forms of conflict.

    But like you said, as long as you have everything you need right now, none of that shit matters.

  12. Thank you so much for this! Today, like 6 people at the back of the bus were talking about my hair, including the guy sitting RIGHT next to me! I’ve changed my hair about 3 times so they can stop, but I’ve realized that I can’t make everyone happy.. And in 10 years, I’m gonna be the one making money and being successful and where will they be? Maybe in jail or on the corners lol so I’ve decided not to give a fuck anymore

    • Kevin Cole /

      Hell yeah! There will always be people who judge, but as life moves on people stop voicing their judgments and ultimately live in a world of misery.

      You’re the one with the courage to be an individual. Don’t stop doing that :)

  13. WHAT THE FUCK. I think this is going to change my life forever.
    I love you!

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